Top ten most boring movie franchises

Tom Cruise – good at running, jumping and falling – in one of the Mission Impossible movies (doesn’t matter which one)

I understand that action flicks are meant to be just that, and from Indiana Jones to Bourne, I can enjoy such films (perversely, though, the only sequences I usually find interesting are the talking scenes. Once it gets to the action I invariably reach for my phone (if not in a cinema). Action scenes (whether involving cars or guns), like sex scenes, are mostly terminally dull and generic in modern cinema). But most franchises just go on far too long, and are mostly too moronic, violent and pointless for words. Also, superheroes, guns and cars – really? Maybe if I was like 12 – these films aren’t for grown adults.

1. Anything from the Marvel Universe
Seriously, the death of cinema.

2. John Wick
Like Liam Neeson, Keanu Reeves, the second dullest actor of his generation (see #4), reinvented himself as an invincible tough guy in his 50s. Think of it as a midlife crisis.

3. Fast and Furious
Moronic.

4. Mission Impossible 
These should really be rebranded as a documentary series featuring Tom Cruise – the dullest actor of his generation – doing various ‘stunts’ (running fast, jumping, falling) in various random locations (Budapest, Moscow, Mumbai), so little do the films involve any plot or characters, or sustain interest.

5. Twilight Saga 
Listless.

6. Transformers
Metal mash up.

7. James Bond
I’ve never been shaken or stirred by any of the films and I don’t have a favourite Bond.

8. Taken
Stupid.

9. Harry Potter
Rubbish.

10. Saw
Pure torture.