Last week the best film ever made was released. Critics and audiences alike are unanimous in agreeing that its blend of suspense, action, CGI, acting, cinematography, sex, violence, misogyny and misanthropy make it the best thing ever seen. Insipid 3 has broken all box office records and gained more 5 star reviews than anything ever. Famous directors across the globe – from Spielberg and Scorsese to Anderson and erm, Anderson, have literally thrown in the towel, wondering what the point of it all is anymore. The pinnacle has been reached, why continue with this fruitless endeavour of churning out sub-Insipid 3 fodder? There was no clue whatsoever in either Insipid 1 or Insipid 2 that the third installment would be such a defining moment of international cinema. Audiences and critics united have laughed, cried, been terrified and outraged by this cinematic tour de force that seemed to come out of nowhere yet always been here.

• Insipid 4 will be released next year.

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