I love a cheese sandwich, me, but if I were to choose my favourite bread and cheese to make one, would it consist of Cathedral City (‘The Nation’s Favourite Cheese Brand’) cheddar and Warburtons (‘Britain’s Favourite Bakery’) bread? No, it certainly wouldn’t (it would be from an organic bakery, naturally (or at least Waitrose). The bread would be thick and crusty, not limp and pappy; the cheese would be rich and creamy, not bland and tasteless). I hadn’t even heard of either brand until a few years ago, now suddenly they’re our ‘favourites’. There’s something so arrogant and bold about the claims, but if true, surely based on a combination of blandness and cheapness rather than quality.

Where did these claims originate and are they verifiable? I can’t be bothered to find out, but I bet it’s like one of those anti-ageing cream ads where it says in huge writing 70% of women say the product works, then there’s an asterisk and you look at the bottom of the ad to the small print and it says their survey consisted of asking twenty women in the street, and probably gave them a few free tubs of cream if they said it worked.

(I also noticed the other day that Q magazine is the self-proclaimed World’s Greatest Music Magazine. It's another bold-yet-difficult-to-pin-down-exactly-where-they-got-it-from claim. Err, have they not heard of Mojo? Wire? Rolling Stone? Uncut? (All much better than Q.) I use Q magazine like I use the Radio Times, i.e. what they like, I hate, and vice versa.)