Nothing comes close to that feeling of warm balmy Mediterranean evenings near the coast, humid but with a faint cool breeze, crickets chirping in the distance, small green geckos scattering on the hot ground, the sun setting slowly, a warm glow to everyone, loved ones holding hands, the laughter of children, the smell of suntan lotion and the scent of flowers.

This scene is perhaps, if I’m lucky, one week of a year in my life. The rest of the time it’s staring at a computer screen all day in a grey office surrounded by people I don’t want to be with or listen to. My loved ones are hundreds of miles away. My thoughts are usually hundreds of miles away (they only have my body and my time).

Two hundred and forty four days a year are spent in the grey office in order to spend a week (at most) in the balmy Mediterranean country with loved ones (just as eight hours a day are spent with completely apathetic ones in order to spend three hours – completely knackered – in the evening with loved ones). In years to come, the five-day working week will be looked on in the same way as we now look at slavery and public hanging – i.e. as a violation of human rights.

The recent flurry of Bank Holiday Mondays and Easter break has us getting used to the concept of the four-day week. If I was running for Prime Minister, I would simply call my party The 4-day Week Party and immediately get voted in as PM. It’s pretty much that simple (I’d keep most other policies the same; we don’t give a shit about them anyway. Well, saying that, I’d do my best to ban cars, modern R&B, football and plastic bags): but my main policy, my only policy, would be to introduce the four-day working week. All we do is live for the weekend and holidays – Monday to Friday feels like prison, with weekends let off for good behaviour. Polls have shown the average office worker only spends three days a week actually working – the other two days are spend in banter, browsing the internet etc, so let’s stop wasting pointless time and actually try to get our lives back.

The Guardian agrees.

Previously on Barnflakes
Introverts vs extroverts
The offensive office