We’re all in this together

Homosexual New Romantic boy band? Guess again.

In a unique new government incentive, Prime Minister David Cameron and Mayor of London Boris Johnson are giving some of the looters in the recent riots that spread throughout the UK a once in a lifetime opportunity of free membership to the elitist Bullingdon Club.

The club, usually the domain of the rich, upper class, white and male, is an Oxford University dining club founded over 200 years ago, most notable for its members’ destructive behaviour, including the trashing of restaurants and the smashing of crockery, windows, car windscreens and antique violins. In the 1980s, both Cameron and Johnson were members.

‘Smashing things up is well good fun that transcends class, gender and race’, said Cameron in a recent press conference. The PM and mayor are hoping the initiative will lessen the divide between the rich and poor, which is at its widest since records began, and generally promote a feeling of chumminess.

In similar news, there was no comment from the International Olympic Committee on speculation that rioting and looting were going to be made official Olympic sports. It could well be the only thing the English are good at.