Dir: Martin Scorsese | 2010 | USA | 138mins

Throughout the film I wondered in amazement at the hammy acting, numerous basic continuity mistakes and cheap-looking CGI, but by the end I was thinking: was it all intentional? I mean, Leonardo DiCaprio’s character has just imagined most of the film, so was it meant to look artificial, cheap and clichéd? Perhaps. But probably not. Nevertheless, the conceit of ‘he imagined it all’ is just as bad as ‘it was all a dream’. It’s a cop-out.

Like Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense (who surely anyone with half a brain realised was dead after about ten minutes), when the ‘surprise twist’ comes at the end of Shutter Island, not only did we guess it at least an hour ago, but we didn’t really care one way or the other anyway.

Oh where for art thou, Leonardo? He who was the golden boy in Titanic is now the podgy, average man (though like Matt Damon, still unconvincing as a functioning adult in society) thirteen years later in Shutter Island (which starts on a boat, instantly recalling Titanic; with shoddy CGI, instantly recalling Titanic).

DiCaprio has been in four Scorsese films now. It’s obviously just not working: can I suggest he calls it a day? Martin Scorsese hasn’t made a great film since 1990 (Goodfellas). That’s twenty years ago. Leonardo DiCaprio has never been in a great film (though I grudgingly admit he’s been in some real good ones). Did you know he’s six foot tall? I always thought he was shorter.